How Do You Get Rid Of Chatty Co-Workers!?!?

You know em'. You prolly hate em'. For all I know, you might could be em'.

Yep, I'm talking about The Office MotorMouth.

Every office has that one person who just can't stop talking. I'm not necessarily referring to gossipers (another topic for another time), rather that guy (or girl) whom you hate getting caught in the break room with, because you know there's no way of possibly avoiding the 15 minutes of pointless conversation they're about to subject you to.

My office has one such Chatty Cathy or Talkin' Tim. We'll call mine Stanley, or Stan for short. Stanley is probably one of the most technically savvy and experienced of the engineers on staff. He knows his stuff, and thankfully, he's not so conceited and selfish that he won't help you if you need some assistance. The problem is, that advice comes with a stiff pricetag. Because there's so such thing as a short answer when you're dealing with The Office MotorMouth.

A routine question about an obscure programming routine becomes a half-hour dissertation on biography of the programming language's author, the weather in Fort Wayne, and what Stan bought his stepson for Christmas back in 1998. And since you need that answer, you endure the extracurriculars, because hey, Stanley wants to talk.

Even worse is when I run into Stanley (in the copy room, the restroom, or the aforementioned break room) when he's in a talking mood (which is always). Your lunch plate cannot warm up quickly enough. Worst of all, on rare occasions I've had Stan "just drop by my office to talk", nearly always when I'm trying to ditch work early. 20 minutes later, I find myself cursing my employer for not allowing me to telecommute, and wishing I had those 20 precious minutes of my life back.

It would be easy to just tell Stanley to kick rocks, but in Corporate America, few things are so simple. For one, he's a tech guru, and you don't need him pissed off the next time you're in a bind on a client site and really need an answer. And... well, okay, that's the only answer.

So, as I try and run to the elevator without somehow crossing paths with Stanley in the hallway, I pose this query to you guys.

Question: How do you handle your fellow Office MotorMouths? What is a tactful way of telling someone to "step off" without pissing them off to the point that you won't be able to get at em' when you actually do need em'?

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The Office Romance.

My quest to visit all 48 contiguous states continues this week, as I find myself far from home in a lonely hotel room down by the river. I'm here in The First State, the home of Joe Biden and Joe Flacco, the blink-and-you-missed-it I-95 rest stop otherwise known as Delaware.

Truth be known, I actually lived here in Delaware briefly in the mid-90's when I interned at a large financial institution to remain undisclosed. I liked it here, although the state's biggest advantages are it's lack of sales taxes and proximity to major East Coast cities like NYC, Philly, DC, and B'More. Delaware itself? Meh.

Still, my brief summer here taught me a lesson I would carry with me for the rest of my professional life: Do not evar, evar, evar, under any set of bizarre circumstances, evar date a co-worker!!!

I'm married, and long since off the market, so I'll spare ya'll all the drama. Besides, my wife reads this site from time to time, and I don't wanna have that convo once I get back to DC. But let's just say I learned my lesson abundantly.

Forgive my total and complete lack of context, but I'd like to hear your opinions on this issue.

Question: Is it okay to date a coworker? Do you have any particularly bad experiences you'd like to share with the rest of AverageNation™?

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Political Correctness On The Job.

As you guys know, my workplace is full of accidental drama. I say accidental because there are only a handful of folks who work on my sprawling floor on a daily basis, given the nature of our client-facing work. Still, in such a large building, near a Metro stop, with lots of foot traffic outdoors and marginal security, sh*t is bound to get missing from time to time. If you've followed this feature in the past, you know this to be a regular occurrence.

Anyways, there was an incident yesterday, and since I know this stuff is semi-confidential, I'm taking the build management's alert and cleaning it up. The last thing I need to do is get canned over some ole' BS like this.

Notice to Tenants………..Please share with all employees !

We had an incident yesterday in one of our properties, where a young man in a “hoodie” entered a couple of suites where the receptionist(s) had stepped away from their desk. He was seen “wandering” through the suites until noticed and gave excuses such as “looking for a job” or “I’m here for an interview – I must have the wrong suite”.

The police were notified, but the young man was not apprehended.

The email goes on to detail further steps all employees could make to prevent such an incident happening in the future, but omits one very crucial element: a description of the young man beyond his apparel.

All this strikes me as an example of when political correctness goes awry. Sure, it's great to alert folks that they need to pull their suite doors behind them and take their gym bags home at night, but what's otherwise the point? We are given no real physical description of the suspect, although he was clearly seen by more than one person. Beyond the likely stoopid Soulja Boy hoodie, what else do we need to know about this nimrod to ensure he doesn't show up for another "interview" and end up cleaning out my Washington Wizards bobblehead collection in the process?

Personally, I know I've been extra Tresvanty about such stuff in the past, but it wouldn't have hurt to supply a physical description. If it's one of them "skater" white dudes like I typically see out here in the burbs, that's nice to know. If the guy was black, why not say so? Would anyone really be offended? How else are we supposed to use this info for future reference?

[Editor's Note To Self: Quit wearing hoodies to work.]

If my bobbleheads come up missin', I'm squeezin' first and askin' questions last!!![1]

[Editor's Note To Self: Take the Wizards bobblehead collection home.]

I understand white folks are loathe to say certain things for fear of being branded racist, but sometimes a description is essential, otherwise you're just wasting time and further confusing people.

I know one thing, I see a Soulja Boy lookin' kid in the lobby, I'm dialing 911!

Question: Should the building management have identified the race of the suspect? Is this an example of political correctness gone wrong, or would providing a description have likely lead to unnecessary racial profiling? Got any notable examples of workplace political correctness gone wrong?

[1] Yeah, I know, unnecessary and unintentionally comical tough guy talk.

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